Showing posts with label stupid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stupid. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Anime Review: Sword Art Online EXTRA EDITION

The long awaited movie sequel to Sword Art Online is finally out and available for streaming on Crunchyroll, and the fans are going insane.  Personally, I could almost care less.  Even at the time, I thought Sword Art Online was really dumb, and the second half of the show had almost no narrative strength to it.  It was good to watch, but now that I've watched it, I'm not going to look back to it.  As far as wanting a second season, I'd probably watch it, but have no excitement for it.  These feelings were greatly amplified by watching Log Horizon, which takes the same concept of being trapped in an MMORPG video game and does just about everything better than Sword Art Online.  As a result, I wasn't too excited to watch EXTRA EDITION, but I figured that I'd give it a very fair shot, while keeping in mind that Log Horizon is biasing me against it.

To the best of my ability, I'm not going to lie about what I think about Sword Art Online EXTRA EDITION.  I'm not going to exaggerate how good or bad I think it is if I can help it; I'm going to be telling you exactly what I saw, what I was thinking then, and what I think now.  And it is going to upset a lot of people, because my opinion is significantly less than favorable to put it gently.  If you're the kind of person offended by disagreement, you may want to stop reading right now.

The movie starts off by playing the show's original opening theme, which brought back pleasant memories.  In the background are opening credits interspersed with main character Kirito and his sister Sugu riding to school on a motorcycle.  Once the credits are over, Kirito and Sugu arrive.  As it turns out, they were meeting with three of their friends, all girls Kirito met in the games, to have a pool party at the school, but Kirito instead has to deal with emergency counseling in the school building instead.  During this scene, Asuna, the female lead of the show and far left in the picture below, says something very, very wrong:


The problem with this line is that during the ALfheim Online arc, part two of the show, SHE WAS LOCKED IN A CAGE THE ENTIRE TIME.  She has no way of knowing that.  I'm sure the fanboys and fangirls will tell me that I'm wrong here and come up with some explanation, but this line is what tipped me off that EXTRA EDITION was going to be EXTRA bad.  Okay, well, maybe not EXTRA bad, but this was not a good sign.

So, Kirito heads off to the counseling office, and hello, nurse!  And then the "real" councilor turns around in his chair.  Kirito recognizes him as, "an elite member of the Virtual Division of the Ministry of Internal Affairs."  That a long enough title there?  It seems this federal agent wants to question Kirito about what happened in the games yet again.  Kirito is initially uncooperative, but after being bribed with candy and implicitly threatened with suddenly gaining media attention, he starts talking.

Before Kirito has a chance to say a single word, the scene cuts to the girls, who are now changing in the locker room.  When a movie has shameless fanservice in the first five minutes, that is a guarantee of the show sucking.  Fortunately for EXTRA EDITION, the shameless fanservice starts at five minutes and thirty-five seconds, passing the guarantee limit by less than a minute.  Also in this scene is lame comedy which was old before the first time someone ever attempted to make the event a joke.  In less than a minute, I was begging for the scene to change back to the interrogation.

Ten seconds later, my wish was granted.  Kirito finally starts talking to the fed, and we cut to the show, the scene which establishes the central conflict of the show.  You know, the same central conflict which I wrote a prior blog post pointing out how it's flat-out stupid.  And the best part is that the scene isn't even edited down in any way.  After three minutes, I realized that it's just going to be copying and pasting segments from the show.  After a 25 second break from flashbacks where Kirito and the agent exchange a few words, we see another flashback.

This flashback ends with Kirito yelling so loud the scene changes to the pool.  And at the pool, we learn that Sugu apparently can't swim and has a bit of a fear of water.  As a result, she gets teased for it by one of the other girls, to the point that the other girl starts sexually assaulting her, all for the laughs of the audience.  I shouldn't need to say this, but there is absolutely nothing funny about sexual assault.  At this point, I decided I would be skipping the remaining pool scenes, because this is just outright wrong.  I wanted to turn the movie off right at this point, only thirteen minutes in.

But I persisted anyway, and the reward for my persistence was nothing more than more flashbacks straight from the show.  I got so tired that I decided to start skipping in five minute intervals until the flashbacks finally stopped.  Here's an excerpt from the notes I was taking.
20:38  Recap.
25:49  More recap.
29:52  EVEN MORE recap.
34:54  re-
40:31  cap
45:30  And we're not even done with the first half of the show.
50:20  Now they are.
55:11  And now we're recapping part 2.
59:45  Yep.
65:55  YEP.
70:29  YAPPERS!
75:12  It's seriously a movie-length recap episode.
79:25  FANSERVICE!
79:45  DONE RECAPPING PART 2!
So, for the first hour and twenty minutes of EXTRA EDITION, all I have gotten is flashbacks to the original show mixed with incredibly lame fanservice and failed attempts at comedy which have served only to piss me off.  Only twenty minutes remain, but despite what I already failed to endure I remained optimistic that the remaining twenty minutes of material would still be worth watching.

The remaining twenty minutes takes place on a beach inside one of the virtual video game worlds, where all of the characters from earlier as well as two others are vacationing to.  During this scene something actually entertaining happens.  After the stupidest water-fight ever between the girls which is only there for the alleged fanservice appeal of seeing girls splash each other with water, we get the only genuinely funny moment in the show.  Kirito announces that it's time for their mission to start.  So the girls all start walking out of the water in slow motion, parodying baywatch.  One of the other guys, Klein, watches this, and is about to explode from the amount of sexy he's seeing.  Just before this happens, the girls press a floating button, and all of their clothes comes back on.  Cue Klein falling on his knees, crying tears of disappointment.

Aside from this joke, the rest of the twenty minutes is either boring or stupid.  The quest is one in which they have to dive deep underwater - good thing Sugu was taught how to swim earlier - to perform a quest where a whale then appears.  Yes, their goal is to go whale-watching while inside a video game.  The quest somehow involves them breaking into an underwater temple, stealing a pearl, discovering it's really an egg, getting their butts kicked by kraken, and then getting rescued by a stand-in for Poseidon and sent back to the beach riding on a whale.  If that sounds exciting, it's because I removed all of the cringeworthy fluff from that summary, including the part where the single best player of all VRMMORPGs falls into the most obvious pitfall trap ever.  Had the other characters not made fun of Kirito for this, I would have turned it off right then and there.

Somehow, I made it through to the end without having to skip through the final twenty minutes.  And when it ended, I was laughing. No, it wasn't because the ending was funny; I was laughing because I couldn't believe just how bad this whole thing was.  The twenty minutes of original material contained only one thing of any entertainment value whatsoever, and the plot of it is completely irrelevant.  Reading back through my notes only minutes later, I realized just how bad EXTRA EDITION was.

If I had any interest in watching a second season of Sword Art Online, EXTRA EDITION just completely killed it.  The short version is that EXTRA EDITION is to Sword Art Online as the Star Wars Holiday Special is to Star Wars.  The first eighty minutes of this movie are nothing more than recap, consisting of scenes copy-and-pasted straight from the show, mixed in with the tiniest amount of dialog between the main character and a federal agent trying to figure out what happened, alongside some of the most lame excuses for fanservice and comedy I've ever seen, all of it so bad I had to skip through it.  The remaining twenty minutes are worse than any other twenty minute segment in the show.  It contained no character development, nor did it advance the plot in any way.  If anything happened regarding characterization, either one's characterization was completely destroyed for the sake of lame comedy, or my memory of the character is really bad.  As for the plot, it contributes nothing to the overall story and can be completely ignored with no loss whatsoever.  There wasn't even any extra details of the setting given out for the fans as far as I could tell.  Seeing as how this movie is nothing but things I've aready seen or things which are just cringeworthy, there is literally no point to watching this movie, even if you're a fan of the series, and especially if you're not.  Just watch the show. Or better yet, don't;  Watch Log Horizon instead.  It's the same concept, but done so much better!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Shakugan no Shana: One big mistake


The Short Version:
[Season 1] - What would you do if on the first day of high school you found out that your existence was eaten by a demon and it's only a matter of time before what's left of you fades away, with nobody remembering you as ever existing?  Panic, that's what.  And when you're done panicking, what would you do with your remaining time?  This show answers that question.
[Seasons 2 and 3] - The show forgets what it's about, quickly turning into a poorly-written romantic drama for the first half of season two.  In the second half, deus ex machina and retcons are the only reason the heroes manage to win.  Then at the start of season three there's a twist which makes absolutely no sense and remains entirely unexplained, which is what made me give up all hope on the show.


I have a friend who's far more into anime than I am.  He's the kind of person who can get very obsessive and pushy.  His favorite anime is Shakugan no Shana, and he just wouldn't shut up about it.  Every time we talk, "Dude, you gotta watch Shakugan no Shana.  It's like the best anime ever!"  So I finally caved in and decided to watch it.

I should have known better.  This is the same friend who also recommended I watch 11 Eyes, Guilty Crown, and School Days, all of which are firmly on the Bad List.  Heck, I already wrote a review of Guilty Crown explaining why exactly the show sucks.

But Shakugan no Shana is not on the same level as those shows.  Those three shows provoked me straight to anger.  11 eyes suddenly gave up on the whole "making sense" thing and has characters become psychotic and stupid for no reason, Guilty Crown simply fell completely apart about half-way through with the attempts at salvaging it only making things worse, and School Days is just plain horrible.  Shakugan no Shana is a show which is clearly better than all of those, even at its worst moments.  It didn't anger me; it merely bored me and left me confused, or it would have left me confused had I still cared about it by the time I made it that far.

Another way that Shakugan no Shana is unlike these other anime is that it has multiple seasons.  Most anime is lucky to get just a single 13-episode season; Shakugan no Shana got three 24-episode seasons.  Each season provokes a different response from me and I have different responses to each of them.  Before I get into them, I'll try to explain the concept of the show.  Be warned, because this may take a while.

The setting is modern-day Japan, and our main character Sakai Yuji is an ordinary high school student, as per the cliche.  He also finds out that he's not so ordinary after all, as per the cliche, but only after being rescued from a demon attack by a magic-weilding girl he immediately falls in love with, as per three cliches.  Said girl is a "Flame Haze" known as Shana.  At first Shana finds Yuji to be nothing more than an annoyance, but over time she learns to love him, as per the cliche.  Okay, yeah, the show sounds very cliche, but that's because I'm getting all of them out of the way at once.

The show breaks the cliches when we discover just what the main character is: a "torch."  A torch is the leftovers of a person whose existence has already been devoured by a demon, meant to serve as a placeholder which will burn itself out over time as the universe "corrects" itself such that the torch never existed.  What this means is that Yuji is going to die very shortly, there's nothing he can do to stop it, and when he does die nobody will even remember his existence.  Thus Shana wants nothing to do with him because he's not even a real person and is just going to fade away no matter what.

The question of what Yuji is going to do with his remaining time left is answered throughout the first half of season one, which makes what would otherwise be a long and boring introduction to the show's setting shockingly interesting from a philosophical perspective.  As Yuji goes about his life, we learn just what kind of a person he is through his actions, and at the same time his actions are understandable coming from the mindset of somebody who knows he's going to die and be forgotten.  Unlike most people, he decides that in his remaining time he's going to do everything he can to help everyone he knows, not caring about his situation or taking advantage of it to have the best time of his life.  His concerns are with his family and friends.

Of course, the show would end if Yuji was to burn out, so the writers give him both a way out and a reason demons keep attacking him.  There are some torches, called "mystes," which are randomly chosen to house magical treasures.  Naturally Yuji is one of them, and his treasure is called "The Midnight Lost Child," which has the power to restore completely Yuji's existence every night at midnight.  As a source of potentially unlimited power, it's not hard to guess why demons would want it.

Upon Yuji's discovery of this, what would you expect him to do?  Perhaps he'd throw a party celebrating that he's not going to die.  No, he doesn't; he without any hesitation asks Shana to train him so that he can fight alongside her.  He knows that as of right now he's helpless, but he doesn't want to remain helpless.  And let me tell you something: he doesn't.  By the time the end of Season two is reached, he's more than capable of holding his own against the demons.  Considering that Flame Hazes have powerful magic and years upon years of training, Shana herself even having been trained from before she could even walk, that's beyond impressive.

But this is still season one, and in season one the show's still getting started.  Eventually an organized force of demons known as Bal Masque hatch a plan to take the Midnight Lost Child from Yuji and use it to power a "fountain of existence" which will allow demons to have unlimited power to materialize in the physical plane and wreck untold destruction against the humans.  Ultimately they fail, because otherwise there wouldn't be a second season, let alone third.  Still, the plan was solid and could have worked, if not for those pesky flame hazes.

Speaking of which, I never did explain exactly what flame hazes are.  Well, not all of the demons, properly known in the show as Crimson Denizens and Crimson Lords, are all that bad.  Some of them are even benevolent towards humans.  Quite a number of these make contracts with humans; these humans are known as Flame Hazes and are granted powerful magic in exchange for a life of hunting down rogue denizens who threaten humans, additionally cleaning up after the damage they cause so that the general populace remains unaware.  Naturally the people who enter into these contracts tend to be those who have been previously traumatized by rogue denizens and have a lust for revenge against them that will never be satisfied.

A key point about the Flame Hazes is that they don't get along with each other.  At best they can get in each others way, and at worst they may get into an argument about each others methods that leads to them fighting each other rather than the denizen they were originally trying to stop.

Through the course of the first season we are introduced to three recurring flame hazes.  Our first is Shana, who I previously described.  Second we have Margery Daw, an alcoholic with a penchant for chanting "Improvisational Poems of Slaughter."  She first meets the cast when on the tail of a denizen she bumps into Shana and the two get into a fight over which one of the two is the Flame Haze who protects that city.  Third is Wilhelmina Carmel, who helped raised Shana before she became a Flame Haze.  She's very much cold and logical, to the point that she correctly decides that the best course of action is to just kill Yuji so that the treasure he holds will teleport away and choose a random torch to settle in, simultaneously derailing the villains plans and sparing the city from suffering any more demon attacks.  Of course if she succeeded there'd be no show, so she fails to kill him and is convinced to let him live.  A shame too; I thought it would have made a great twist ending to the series.

Finally, most of the explanations are over!  Man, that was troublesome.  A great deal is established in the first season of Shakugan no Shana, and this establishing happens over time which keeps the show interesting.  Between the action, the extremely interesting character of Sakai Yuji, and the humor which comes up every now and then, Shakugan no Shana's first season was definitely an enjoyable experience.  I know I started this review saying that watching Shakugan no Shana was a mistake, but that certainly does not apply to this first season.  I hereby recommend Shakuga no Shana season one to all anime fans who are at least teenagers.

As for seasons 2 and 3, this is the part you've been waiting for.  In season two, the show falls completely apart.  Instead of nitpicking and nitpicking, I'll provide a few theories as to why it went so wrong.

Theory 1: Too many episodes.

The first season of Shakugan no Shana was a good show, but by no means legendary.  Chances are the writers were expecting only a 13-episode second season, and planned accordingly. When they were given another 24, they didn't know what to do, so they simply stretched out what they already had planned.  The result was a season that just seemed to drag on.

The first two episodes is an elongated battle against a denizen that also serves as a recap due to the nature of the denizen: its power is to trap victims in a dream composed of their memories of past events.  As Yuji gets caught in it, we get a recap of a few of the first season events which explain the setting.  This definitely works, though while watching it I had a lingering feeling that it didn't need to be two whole episodes long.

The next eight episodes, however, thoroughly provide evidence as to why exactly I made this theory.   At Yuji's school, there's a new transfer student, as per the cliche.  This transfer student looks exactly like a denizen who's part of Bal Masque, which naturally has the heroes in a panic.  Further investigation reveals that no, this student is really a normal human being, and it's all just a really bizarre coincidence   All is not well as the student basically glues herself to Yuji, making Shana and another love interest of his become completely jealous...which doesn't get resolved for another three episodes.  And then two more episodes are spend with this new annoying student clinging to Yuji.  Throughout all of this I was asking one question. This is Shakugan no Shana, a show about slaying denizens, SO HOW DID IT TURN INTO A POORLY WRITTEN SOAP OPERA!?  The only answer I can give is this theory of the writers not planning for a 24-episode season.

If you're smart you would have noticed that I only brought up six episodes.  That's because in the middle of the soap opera we have two episodes which look into the backstory of Margery Daw.  These two episodes have absolutely no bearing on the plot, nor do they reveal much if anything about Margery Daw, thus only serving as filler.  But at least it was about slaying denizens and not a soap opera.

Theory 2: The villains are too smart.

One of the greatest strengths of season two are the villains.  Bal Masque goes from being nearly cliche to some of the best I've ever seen.  Their new plan is one that is patient, accounts for every outcome, and has a huge number of diversions and false flags to throw the heroes off.  There is no reason the heroes should be able to win, aside from the writers leaving open the door to a third season, which is exactly what happens.

Remember that transfer student who looked exactly like a denizen?  She was a sleeper agent for Bal Masque.  Her goal was to earn the trust of the flame hazes and get close to Yuji.  Once that was accomplished, she was to wait for an opportune moment when the Flame Hazes were distracted and quickly do her job: "branding" the Midnight Lost Child within Yuji so that Bal Masque would always know exactly where he is.  She is completely successful, as she should be, because she waited for an unrelated denizen to attack the flame hazes and distract them when she made her move.

The problem arises later when the villains make their next move, which is to send multiple contract killers after Yuji and the flame hazes.  The true goal is for this to look like it's their major move when it isn't, but if the killers are successful the flame hazes will be out of the way and Yuji and thus the Midnight Lost Child will be captured.  Ultimately the heroes defeat the contract killers and let their guard down.

This is when Bal Masque makes their real move.  Yuji is separated from the others, none of which are expecting a followup attack so soon.  They create a solid seal around the area Yuji is in, and then take their time removing the Midnight Lost Child while the flame hazes are powerless to stop them.  They successfully remove it and being preparations to use it not in a fountain of existence, but a giant robot.  Why?

Theory 3: The writers just plain stopped caring.

There is no other explanation I can think of.  Throughout season two so many instances of deus ex machina and other lame tricks are used to allow the heroes to win.  Normally I'd be upset, but seeing as they only started in the second half, well after I had lost interest, I instead was laughing.  Some of them are just so outright impossible it's hilarious.  My favorite is how despite the villains explaining how exactly they accounted for the heroes winning in season one and why the same method won't possibly work, IT WORKS!  And no, there's no commentary from any of the villains explaining that they overlooked something; it just works as though this extremely important detail was never brought up.

There are also plenty of retcons of things previously established in season one.  A rather major one is the existence of the Outlaws.  The Outlaws is an intelligence network used by flame hazes.  Flame hazes, you know, the same kind of people who get in turf wars which cause more damage than the denizens they're trying to stop, as happened between Shana and Margery Daw back in season one.  And you're expecting me to accept that they have a whole intelligence gathering network that somehow never needed to be brought up in season one?  No, sorry, that contracits the establishment of how flame hazes work.

And finally, every hero character with the exception of Yuji becomes stupid.  They can't figure out even the most obvious of hints.  Here's one example.  Carmel, after requesting intel from the Outlaws, explains that normally the Outlaws are very good about things, but now they're just sending all sorts of random and useless information at her.  Let's see here, an intelligence agency is sending out a bunch of junk instead of actually servicing requests.  Maybe it's just me, but it's incredibly obvious that the Outlaws were somehow compromised.  It takes five episodes or so for Carmel to FINALLY figure this out, and that was only after she found a message hidden inside the lousy intel outright explaining that yes, they've under attack by Bal Masque and are rapidly losing outposts.  And I thought my congressman was an idiot.

Still, Season two does have some redeeming qualities.  Namely, Yuji takes major levels in awesomeness.  Once he's branded, he realizes that there can be no more hiding; Bal Masque will find him and there will be a fight.  He quits screwing around and demands his training be ramped up significantly.  He successfully learns advanced swordfighting techniques, throwing fireballs courtesy of the show's magic system, and gains possession of a demonic sword with the power to inflict injuries even if his opponents block, all by manipulating his friends.  Note to everyone: DO NOT MESS WITH SAKAI YUJI.  His character singlehandedly made season two bearable to watch.

Overall, though, I can't recommend Shakugan no Shana's second season.  To be honest, it sucked the whole way through.  Though the manner in which it sucked is in a way that's ripe for a good parody.  I eagerly await this parody to be made, because then season two would be worth watching.

Season three I don't have much to say about, and for good reason.  Between season two and three, a ton of stuff happens that isn't explained.  In the first few episodes of season three I had no idea what was going on because nothing was explained at all.  Look, when Axe Cop, a comic quite literally written by a five year old, makes more sense than a show written by professional writers, YOUR SHOW SUCKS.  I gave up after only two and a half episodes.  I absolutely do not recommend season three because it's impossible to figure out what's going on.

Watching Shakugan no Shana is one of the biggest mistakes I've made in regards to anime.  I even got my hopes up after watching the first season, which was actually good, but the second season thoroughly ruins the entire show, with the third season finishing the deal by making no sense.  If you're into anime, watch the first season and only the first season.  Do not be tempted into watching the second season, for you will regret it.  I'm honestly thankful that I didn't watch the third season to completion, because I just know it's going to suck.  Perhaps I'm wrong.  Perhaps later in the third season suddenly everything will make perfect sense and the show will redeem itself.  Perhaps manbearpig is real.  I'm not going to waste my time watching a show I can't stand unless I'm paid to.

Still, there's something to be learned from this experience: never, EVER, trust my friend's recommendations.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Sword Art Online - Seriously?

Sword Art Online is an anime that started simulcasting on Crunchyroll during Summer 2012.  It's an anime about an MMORPG named Sword Art Online.  That's just my first problem with the show.

An MMORPG is the type of game where thousands of people join a single server and run around doing random quests to level up for bragging rights.  I can't stand this style of video game for numerous reasons.  South Park did an excellent job of mocking the entire concept already, so I'll just link that episode here.  Keep in mind that it's South Park, so it's not exactly family friendly.

What makes Sword Art Online [the in-universe game] unique is that it's the first Virtual Reality MMORPG to ever be created.  The main character, Kirito, was a Beta Tester for the game, so now that it's officially released he already knows everything.  Naturally this makes him a boring character, since he's going to be grinding through everything and not learning any new stuff on his journey.  To solve this problem, they give Kirito a friend who just picked up the game who he has to teach everything to.  Just when his friend has to go, they discover the first part of the central conflict of the show: nobody can log out of the game.

Just moments later, the lead developer of the game appears in a highly over-dramatic fashion and announces that this is a feature, not a bug.  You see, he has a god complex, and created the game to become its god.  Also, if anyone dies in the game, the VR device is rigged to fry their brains.  The same thing happens if anyone in the real world tampers with the VR device.  In fact, 213 people have already died because of this. and here are the news articles to prove it.  The only way out is for the players to beat the game, and considering that this is an MMORPG, that's going to take years.  Mwuhahahaha!

Ignoring how the idea of dieing in virtual reality killing you in real life has already been done to death, tell me I'm not the only one who sees the problem with this maniac's plan.  213 people have been killed, meaning that at the very least the lead developer is facing 213 counts of gross negligence manslaughter, with that number rising by the minute.  WHERE THE #%$# IS THE POLICE!?

Okay, let's be fair here; this isn't exactly the kind of problem the police would be trained to deal with.  This is probably a nation-wide disaster, so perhaps the government has a federal law enforcement agency, you know, the NPA.  If it's too much for them to handle, they also have a counter-terrorism unit called the Special Assault Team.  Okay, maybe the disaster goes beyond even their abilities, so it's time to call in the military, or in the case of Japan, the Self Defense Forces and their Special Forces Group.  But perhaps even the Japanese can't handle it on their own.  Fortunately for them, America has a large number of military bases in Japan, including Kadena Air Base where multiple United States Air Force Combat Control Teams are stationed.  And in less than 24 hours, Delta Force, Navy Seals, Army Rangers, Marine Force Recon, Green Berets, and many more special operations units can arrive to assist the Japanese government in bringing the evil video game developers to justice.  Realistically speaking, the 9787 people still trapped in the game are going to be rescued within a few days, and the lead developer will soon be found guilty of 213 counts of premeditated murder, with 9787 first-hand witnesses to his confession, not counting any other members of the dev team who may agree to testify against him.

The second episode takes place one month later, and everyone is still trapped.  Screw this show.


 
In all seriousness, I don't think Sword Art Online is a bad show.  It's still enjoyable to watch if you ignore how stupid this aspect of it is, and I'm going to continue to watch new episodes as they come out.  I'm not a real fan of the show, but it's better than most TV shows out there.  Of course this is just a preliminary judgment based on the first two episodes, so my mind could still change.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Guilty Crown - Guilty of Shark Jumping

As of late I've been watching a lot of anime, if only to kill the time.  I'm not much of an obsessive fan or anything; it's just something to do when I'm bored.  Occasionally, I come across an amazing show that addicts me, only for it to turn to total crap and piss me off with the massive drop in quality.  Once such anime is Guilty Crown.

Guilty Crown takes place in the near future in a mildly post-apocalyptic Japan.  A virus killed about half of the people in Japan or so, a bunch of mercenaries took total control over the country, and the world's most popular singing idol is a VERY open member of the resistance and somehow the enemy can't figure it out.  Oh yeah, and the main character can pull weapons out of peoples chests - starting with the previously-mentioned idol, naturally.  Oh, and his hand goes directly into the void between her breasts, naturally.

Okay, the show sounds stupid.  And to be honest, it kind of is.  But at the same time, it's fun and enjoyable.  This is the kind of show that's good on its own, yet desperately needs a parody.  If you're interested in watching it, I suggest watching through episode 15, then pretending like the show was canceled, because episode 16 is the beginning of a downward spiral that makes several attempts to reverse course, only for them to ultimately backfire and drag it all the way into the bowels of hell.

------SPOILER WARNING BEYOND THIS POINT!-----

Episode 15 ends with a massive amount of promise.  The show is at an incredibly awesome point.  In a previous engagement, the resistance struck a major blow to the enemy, but at great cost.  The resistance was scattered, and its leader, Gai Tsutsugami, died in the attempt.  To make matters worse, a good chunk of Tokyo gets sealed off "to contain the virus."  Now, Shu Ouma, the main character, two other members of the resistance, and a large number of high-school students, are trapped all on their own with little in the way of supplies and weaponry, and have to escape through a massive wall surrounded by hundreds of giant mecha drones.  Shu, because of his ability, becomes the leader, only for one of his best friends to sacrifice herself to save Shu when they get attacked by enemy helicopters.  His friend's death completely traumatizes Shu, as is realistic, causing him to lash out at his other friends and become extremely ruthless as a leader.

This setup is perfect.  The potential for where this show is going is amazing.  Words cannot express just how good the buildup is.  If you don't want the show to ruin itself starting with the next episode, pretend that some idiotic executive at the company decided to cancel the show for no particular reason.

Without any further ado, here's how the show jumps the shark.  Gai comes back from the dead.  NO!  NO!  NO!  Gai is dead.  VERY dead.  As in, THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY HE IS STILL ALIVE.  Allow me to explain just how dead he becomes:
1) He's infected by the virus and is shown to be dying from it.
2) He gets slashed through his chest by a GIGANTIC MECHA-DESTROYING SWORD.
3) The virus goes completely cancerous (makes sense in-story) and covers over half of his body.
4) He GETS STABBED THROUGH THE HEART by previously-mentioned sword.
5) Finally, he gets disintegrated.
Yeah, he's dead.   And there is no way he could come back.

Oh, and it gets worse: Gai is now working for the enemy.  FOR NO ADEQUATELY EXPLAINED REASON. And even worse: Gai is also completely cured from the virus.  The virus THAT WAS IN ITS CANCEROUS STAGE THAT EVEN MAGIC CAN'T CURE.

Still, Gai isn't the only problem with the second half of the show; its system of magic begins to completely contradicts itself.  In the end of episode 17, Gai shows up and cuts Shu's arm off, which somehow causes Gai to steal Shu's powers.  This makes absolutely no sense and there's no explanation for this at all.  In episode 20 it's revealed that the source of Shu's powers is a complete rewrite of his genetic code, leading to a very important question:  HOW THE #%#$ DOES GETTING AN ARM CUT OFF UNDO A REWRITE OF SOMEBODY'S GENETIC CODE!?!?!?

And then there's the final episode of the show, episode 22.  STAY THE #%#$ AWAY!  It is the most unbelievably, mindblowingly stupid ending I've ever seen in my life.  All attempts at comprehending it resulted extreme pain in my forehead and several large gaps appearing in my bedroom wall.  It even makes Mass Effect 3's ending look intelligent. Congratulations, Guilty Crown.  Not only did you jump the shark; you also landed directly in its mouth.  I hope you're proud of yourself.

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All text (unless otherwise attributed) is copyright (C) 2011-2014 Joel "iLag" Hammond and licensed under the CC BY-SA 3.0 License.
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