Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Anime First Impressions - Diabolik Lovers

It's that time again.  A ton of new anime shows are coming out for simulcasting right about now.  So with the change in anime-seasons, I figure now is as good of a time to update my list with last season's shows and start writing up first impressions of all the new shows coming out this season.

Fall 2013 First Impressions:
 - Diabolik Lovers

In this post, I'm going to be giving a first impression review of Diabolik Lovers.  What is this show about?  Heck if I know!  The description Crunchyroll gives is a pretentious pile of quotes from the show.
“The girl learns her fate amongst the beautiful scent of wild roses. The girl encounters them, as if being drawn there by the threads of fate. ‘Yours Truly is going to take her every first experience.’ ‘Tell me, do you hate me? Do you want to learn more about me?’ ‘Does it hurt? You poor thing... Okay, I'll make it hurt even more, little bitch.’ ‘I know why you came to this house. This blood (of yours) is of the finest quality.’ ‘Humans are nothing more than containers of blood.’ ‘Stay out of my business! Come any closer, and I'll destroy you!’
Seriously, Castlevania Symphony of the Night's dialog made more sense than this.
"The man finalizes his fate amongst the moldy stones of the ancient castle.  The man encounters him, as if being drawn there by the threads of fate.  'Die monster. You don't belong in this world!'  'It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh. I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute.'  'Tribute!?! You steal men's souls and make them your slaves!' 'Perhaps the same could be said of all religions...' 'Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a savior such as you!' 'What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk. Have at you!'

You see, it makes about as much sense.  Actually no, Symphony of the Night's dialog makes more sense, because at least the context is a bit more clear.  About the only thing I can glean is that there's some girl, and at least one character sees humans as bloodpacks, which probably indicates vampires.  This had better not be a Twilight knockoff.

Diabolik Lovers - Episode 1
0:00  So, there's this black-painted taxi driving across the countryside.
0:30  Some girl drawn to evoke pity looks out the window.
0:34  There's this large house/mansion.
0:38  Here it is from above.
0:45  At the front gates, the girl gets dropped off and stares blankly into the distance.
1:05  Her staring is interrupted by the title card.
1:08  And by the time she stops staring blankly, it starts raining.
1:18  We didn't need you to tell us that!
1:24  Thank goodness for that thunder.  If it didn't strike, who knows how long she would have stared blankly up into the rain?!
1:35  Knock knock.
1:50  Look, just because nobody answered doesn't mean you can just break in.  Then again, they really should have locked their doors.
2:20  GET ON WITH IT!
2:30  OH MY GAHD!  A sexy guy is napping on the couch half-undressed!  SOMETHING HAPPENED!
2:45  Okay no pulse, either he's dead or undead.  Whatever the case, lady, GTFO!
2:50  911 CAN NOT SAVE YOU FROM THIS, ONLY CLEAN UP YOUR CORPSE.
3:00  Yes, he's waking up!  KILL HER!  KILL THE DUMB BROAD!
3:20  I said kill her, not rape her!  Though I imagine most anime fans would unfortunately prefer to see things that way.
3:34  Cock-blocked! By the only remotely sensible character I might add.
3:45  The dumb broad still hasn't figured it out.
3:48  Yes, please, tell us who you are.  Oh, nothing.  Okay.
4:30  See to her luggage, extremely creepy vampire butler.  She still hasn't figured it out.
5:00  Hey, it's the obligatory douchebag vampire!
5:15  And now it's the ultra creepy quiet vampire who carries a stuffed animal around still.
5:55  Oh, another douchebag vampire!  And the first one is also a douchebag.
6:20  She's trying to leave.  Has the dumb broad finally figured it out?!
6:40  Wow, another vampire napping on the couch.  He's the "doesn't give a damn" type with earphones in his ears.
7:25  Finally the vampires can stand it no longer, and are going to tell her straight to her face.
7:58  "You're all kind of weird..."  YOU STUPID BITCH! THE FIRST GUY HAD NO PULSE AND TRIED TO SEXUALLY ASSAULT YOU!  It doesn't matter what's going on, GTFO!
8:26  "How could you?" (break her cell phone)  Maybe because SHE'S BEING KIDNAPPED AND HELD AGAINST HER WILL!
8:45  Finally she starts running and screaming...
8:50  ...making it all of three steps away before tripping.
9:00  Oh heck no.  She scraped her knee and is now bleeding.  I can see it now.  Everyone else in the room, being vampires, are going to go crazy now.  Hey, maybe she'll at least finally figure out what's going on.
9:06  SHE DID IT!  SHE FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT!
9:10  Wow really, a cross?  First off, she just happened to have that in her back pocket (or was it up her butt?  Hard to tell).  Second, that NEVER WORKS!
9:22  They're making fun of her.  Thankfully somebody has some sense.
9:40  Finally, she starts running.  With the most pathetic stride ever, she attempts to flee.
9:50  The vampires all mess with her head as she runs pathetically, knowing that she is completely screwed.
10:05  A phone?  Cool.  Maybe the police can come and carry your blood-drained corpse to the morgue, because there's no way in hell they're prepared for vampire hunting.  Also the cord was cut anyway.
10:22  Another sexual assault on her!  And more beyond-pathetic running.
10:37  DOORS DON'T OPEN BECAUSE YOU ASK THEM NICELY TO!  YOU DUMB BROAD!
10:47  "You won't get away from me."  And she gets away from him.  Wow.  And I thought she was pathetic.
10:55  So she decides to RUN BACK INSIDE?!?!?!?!?
11:25  Hey, a room with a broken lock and chains on the door.  Clearly this is the safest place in the house!
11:45  Whoa.  Something actually scary just happened.  She looked out the window and saw the back of another woman.  The one out the window turned towards her, and immediately dumb broad recoiled back, covering her heart in pain.
12:26  Surprise, you're adopted!  Says her father's diary, which just happens to be right there in the room.
12:34  "Am I not my father's daughter?"  YES!  YES YOU STUPID BITCH!
12:40  Oh by the way everybody found you already.  And the next sexual assault begins!
14:00  "Please, God!"  That's how I feel after watching this show.  It was painful to watch.  Thankfully it was only this long.  Any longer, and I wouldn't have made it.

If I had to summarize this show in a sentence, it'd be, "Some dumb broad walks right into a house full of douchebag vampires and somehow completely misses every last hint about what they are until they all decide to gang-rape her."  It was not at all pleasant to watch.  There was one legitimately good moment in the show.  Right at 11:45, something genuinely frightening happens.  It does not in any way redeem the show.

The only thing that can redeem the show is a good riffing.  Comedic geniuses better than I am at it need to record a commentary track right over the top of the episode making fun of it, just like what Rifftrax does, and what Mystery Science Theater 3000 used to do.  This show is PERFECT for it.  If one ever comes out, I'll be sure to check it out.  Until then, don't watch this show.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Shakugan no Shana: One big mistake


The Short Version:
[Season 1] - What would you do if on the first day of high school you found out that your existence was eaten by a demon and it's only a matter of time before what's left of you fades away, with nobody remembering you as ever existing?  Panic, that's what.  And when you're done panicking, what would you do with your remaining time?  This show answers that question.
[Seasons 2 and 3] - The show forgets what it's about, quickly turning into a poorly-written romantic drama for the first half of season two.  In the second half, deus ex machina and retcons are the only reason the heroes manage to win.  Then at the start of season three there's a twist which makes absolutely no sense and remains entirely unexplained, which is what made me give up all hope on the show.


I have a friend who's far more into anime than I am.  He's the kind of person who can get very obsessive and pushy.  His favorite anime is Shakugan no Shana, and he just wouldn't shut up about it.  Every time we talk, "Dude, you gotta watch Shakugan no Shana.  It's like the best anime ever!"  So I finally caved in and decided to watch it.

I should have known better.  This is the same friend who also recommended I watch 11 Eyes, Guilty Crown, and School Days, all of which are firmly on the Bad List.  Heck, I already wrote a review of Guilty Crown explaining why exactly the show sucks.

But Shakugan no Shana is not on the same level as those shows.  Those three shows provoked me straight to anger.  11 eyes suddenly gave up on the whole "making sense" thing and has characters become psychotic and stupid for no reason, Guilty Crown simply fell completely apart about half-way through with the attempts at salvaging it only making things worse, and School Days is just plain horrible.  Shakugan no Shana is a show which is clearly better than all of those, even at its worst moments.  It didn't anger me; it merely bored me and left me confused, or it would have left me confused had I still cared about it by the time I made it that far.

Another way that Shakugan no Shana is unlike these other anime is that it has multiple seasons.  Most anime is lucky to get just a single 13-episode season; Shakugan no Shana got three 24-episode seasons.  Each season provokes a different response from me and I have different responses to each of them.  Before I get into them, I'll try to explain the concept of the show.  Be warned, because this may take a while.

The setting is modern-day Japan, and our main character Sakai Yuji is an ordinary high school student, as per the cliche.  He also finds out that he's not so ordinary after all, as per the cliche, but only after being rescued from a demon attack by a magic-weilding girl he immediately falls in love with, as per three cliches.  Said girl is a "Flame Haze" known as Shana.  At first Shana finds Yuji to be nothing more than an annoyance, but over time she learns to love him, as per the cliche.  Okay, yeah, the show sounds very cliche, but that's because I'm getting all of them out of the way at once.

The show breaks the cliches when we discover just what the main character is: a "torch."  A torch is the leftovers of a person whose existence has already been devoured by a demon, meant to serve as a placeholder which will burn itself out over time as the universe "corrects" itself such that the torch never existed.  What this means is that Yuji is going to die very shortly, there's nothing he can do to stop it, and when he does die nobody will even remember his existence.  Thus Shana wants nothing to do with him because he's not even a real person and is just going to fade away no matter what.

The question of what Yuji is going to do with his remaining time left is answered throughout the first half of season one, which makes what would otherwise be a long and boring introduction to the show's setting shockingly interesting from a philosophical perspective.  As Yuji goes about his life, we learn just what kind of a person he is through his actions, and at the same time his actions are understandable coming from the mindset of somebody who knows he's going to die and be forgotten.  Unlike most people, he decides that in his remaining time he's going to do everything he can to help everyone he knows, not caring about his situation or taking advantage of it to have the best time of his life.  His concerns are with his family and friends.

Of course, the show would end if Yuji was to burn out, so the writers give him both a way out and a reason demons keep attacking him.  There are some torches, called "mystes," which are randomly chosen to house magical treasures.  Naturally Yuji is one of them, and his treasure is called "The Midnight Lost Child," which has the power to restore completely Yuji's existence every night at midnight.  As a source of potentially unlimited power, it's not hard to guess why demons would want it.

Upon Yuji's discovery of this, what would you expect him to do?  Perhaps he'd throw a party celebrating that he's not going to die.  No, he doesn't; he without any hesitation asks Shana to train him so that he can fight alongside her.  He knows that as of right now he's helpless, but he doesn't want to remain helpless.  And let me tell you something: he doesn't.  By the time the end of Season two is reached, he's more than capable of holding his own against the demons.  Considering that Flame Hazes have powerful magic and years upon years of training, Shana herself even having been trained from before she could even walk, that's beyond impressive.

But this is still season one, and in season one the show's still getting started.  Eventually an organized force of demons known as Bal Masque hatch a plan to take the Midnight Lost Child from Yuji and use it to power a "fountain of existence" which will allow demons to have unlimited power to materialize in the physical plane and wreck untold destruction against the humans.  Ultimately they fail, because otherwise there wouldn't be a second season, let alone third.  Still, the plan was solid and could have worked, if not for those pesky flame hazes.

Speaking of which, I never did explain exactly what flame hazes are.  Well, not all of the demons, properly known in the show as Crimson Denizens and Crimson Lords, are all that bad.  Some of them are even benevolent towards humans.  Quite a number of these make contracts with humans; these humans are known as Flame Hazes and are granted powerful magic in exchange for a life of hunting down rogue denizens who threaten humans, additionally cleaning up after the damage they cause so that the general populace remains unaware.  Naturally the people who enter into these contracts tend to be those who have been previously traumatized by rogue denizens and have a lust for revenge against them that will never be satisfied.

A key point about the Flame Hazes is that they don't get along with each other.  At best they can get in each others way, and at worst they may get into an argument about each others methods that leads to them fighting each other rather than the denizen they were originally trying to stop.

Through the course of the first season we are introduced to three recurring flame hazes.  Our first is Shana, who I previously described.  Second we have Margery Daw, an alcoholic with a penchant for chanting "Improvisational Poems of Slaughter."  She first meets the cast when on the tail of a denizen she bumps into Shana and the two get into a fight over which one of the two is the Flame Haze who protects that city.  Third is Wilhelmina Carmel, who helped raised Shana before she became a Flame Haze.  She's very much cold and logical, to the point that she correctly decides that the best course of action is to just kill Yuji so that the treasure he holds will teleport away and choose a random torch to settle in, simultaneously derailing the villains plans and sparing the city from suffering any more demon attacks.  Of course if she succeeded there'd be no show, so she fails to kill him and is convinced to let him live.  A shame too; I thought it would have made a great twist ending to the series.

Finally, most of the explanations are over!  Man, that was troublesome.  A great deal is established in the first season of Shakugan no Shana, and this establishing happens over time which keeps the show interesting.  Between the action, the extremely interesting character of Sakai Yuji, and the humor which comes up every now and then, Shakugan no Shana's first season was definitely an enjoyable experience.  I know I started this review saying that watching Shakugan no Shana was a mistake, but that certainly does not apply to this first season.  I hereby recommend Shakuga no Shana season one to all anime fans who are at least teenagers.

As for seasons 2 and 3, this is the part you've been waiting for.  In season two, the show falls completely apart.  Instead of nitpicking and nitpicking, I'll provide a few theories as to why it went so wrong.

Theory 1: Too many episodes.

The first season of Shakugan no Shana was a good show, but by no means legendary.  Chances are the writers were expecting only a 13-episode second season, and planned accordingly. When they were given another 24, they didn't know what to do, so they simply stretched out what they already had planned.  The result was a season that just seemed to drag on.

The first two episodes is an elongated battle against a denizen that also serves as a recap due to the nature of the denizen: its power is to trap victims in a dream composed of their memories of past events.  As Yuji gets caught in it, we get a recap of a few of the first season events which explain the setting.  This definitely works, though while watching it I had a lingering feeling that it didn't need to be two whole episodes long.

The next eight episodes, however, thoroughly provide evidence as to why exactly I made this theory.   At Yuji's school, there's a new transfer student, as per the cliche.  This transfer student looks exactly like a denizen who's part of Bal Masque, which naturally has the heroes in a panic.  Further investigation reveals that no, this student is really a normal human being, and it's all just a really bizarre coincidence   All is not well as the student basically glues herself to Yuji, making Shana and another love interest of his become completely jealous...which doesn't get resolved for another three episodes.  And then two more episodes are spend with this new annoying student clinging to Yuji.  Throughout all of this I was asking one question. This is Shakugan no Shana, a show about slaying denizens, SO HOW DID IT TURN INTO A POORLY WRITTEN SOAP OPERA!?  The only answer I can give is this theory of the writers not planning for a 24-episode season.

If you're smart you would have noticed that I only brought up six episodes.  That's because in the middle of the soap opera we have two episodes which look into the backstory of Margery Daw.  These two episodes have absolutely no bearing on the plot, nor do they reveal much if anything about Margery Daw, thus only serving as filler.  But at least it was about slaying denizens and not a soap opera.

Theory 2: The villains are too smart.

One of the greatest strengths of season two are the villains.  Bal Masque goes from being nearly cliche to some of the best I've ever seen.  Their new plan is one that is patient, accounts for every outcome, and has a huge number of diversions and false flags to throw the heroes off.  There is no reason the heroes should be able to win, aside from the writers leaving open the door to a third season, which is exactly what happens.

Remember that transfer student who looked exactly like a denizen?  She was a sleeper agent for Bal Masque.  Her goal was to earn the trust of the flame hazes and get close to Yuji.  Once that was accomplished, she was to wait for an opportune moment when the Flame Hazes were distracted and quickly do her job: "branding" the Midnight Lost Child within Yuji so that Bal Masque would always know exactly where he is.  She is completely successful, as she should be, because she waited for an unrelated denizen to attack the flame hazes and distract them when she made her move.

The problem arises later when the villains make their next move, which is to send multiple contract killers after Yuji and the flame hazes.  The true goal is for this to look like it's their major move when it isn't, but if the killers are successful the flame hazes will be out of the way and Yuji and thus the Midnight Lost Child will be captured.  Ultimately the heroes defeat the contract killers and let their guard down.

This is when Bal Masque makes their real move.  Yuji is separated from the others, none of which are expecting a followup attack so soon.  They create a solid seal around the area Yuji is in, and then take their time removing the Midnight Lost Child while the flame hazes are powerless to stop them.  They successfully remove it and being preparations to use it not in a fountain of existence, but a giant robot.  Why?

Theory 3: The writers just plain stopped caring.

There is no other explanation I can think of.  Throughout season two so many instances of deus ex machina and other lame tricks are used to allow the heroes to win.  Normally I'd be upset, but seeing as they only started in the second half, well after I had lost interest, I instead was laughing.  Some of them are just so outright impossible it's hilarious.  My favorite is how despite the villains explaining how exactly they accounted for the heroes winning in season one and why the same method won't possibly work, IT WORKS!  And no, there's no commentary from any of the villains explaining that they overlooked something; it just works as though this extremely important detail was never brought up.

There are also plenty of retcons of things previously established in season one.  A rather major one is the existence of the Outlaws.  The Outlaws is an intelligence network used by flame hazes.  Flame hazes, you know, the same kind of people who get in turf wars which cause more damage than the denizens they're trying to stop, as happened between Shana and Margery Daw back in season one.  And you're expecting me to accept that they have a whole intelligence gathering network that somehow never needed to be brought up in season one?  No, sorry, that contracits the establishment of how flame hazes work.

And finally, every hero character with the exception of Yuji becomes stupid.  They can't figure out even the most obvious of hints.  Here's one example.  Carmel, after requesting intel from the Outlaws, explains that normally the Outlaws are very good about things, but now they're just sending all sorts of random and useless information at her.  Let's see here, an intelligence agency is sending out a bunch of junk instead of actually servicing requests.  Maybe it's just me, but it's incredibly obvious that the Outlaws were somehow compromised.  It takes five episodes or so for Carmel to FINALLY figure this out, and that was only after she found a message hidden inside the lousy intel outright explaining that yes, they've under attack by Bal Masque and are rapidly losing outposts.  And I thought my congressman was an idiot.

Still, Season two does have some redeeming qualities.  Namely, Yuji takes major levels in awesomeness.  Once he's branded, he realizes that there can be no more hiding; Bal Masque will find him and there will be a fight.  He quits screwing around and demands his training be ramped up significantly.  He successfully learns advanced swordfighting techniques, throwing fireballs courtesy of the show's magic system, and gains possession of a demonic sword with the power to inflict injuries even if his opponents block, all by manipulating his friends.  Note to everyone: DO NOT MESS WITH SAKAI YUJI.  His character singlehandedly made season two bearable to watch.

Overall, though, I can't recommend Shakugan no Shana's second season.  To be honest, it sucked the whole way through.  Though the manner in which it sucked is in a way that's ripe for a good parody.  I eagerly await this parody to be made, because then season two would be worth watching.

Season three I don't have much to say about, and for good reason.  Between season two and three, a ton of stuff happens that isn't explained.  In the first few episodes of season three I had no idea what was going on because nothing was explained at all.  Look, when Axe Cop, a comic quite literally written by a five year old, makes more sense than a show written by professional writers, YOUR SHOW SUCKS.  I gave up after only two and a half episodes.  I absolutely do not recommend season three because it's impossible to figure out what's going on.

Watching Shakugan no Shana is one of the biggest mistakes I've made in regards to anime.  I even got my hopes up after watching the first season, which was actually good, but the second season thoroughly ruins the entire show, with the third season finishing the deal by making no sense.  If you're into anime, watch the first season and only the first season.  Do not be tempted into watching the second season, for you will regret it.  I'm honestly thankful that I didn't watch the third season to completion, because I just know it's going to suck.  Perhaps I'm wrong.  Perhaps later in the third season suddenly everything will make perfect sense and the show will redeem itself.  Perhaps manbearpig is real.  I'm not going to waste my time watching a show I can't stand unless I'm paid to.

Still, there's something to be learned from this experience: never, EVER, trust my friend's recommendations.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Anime Review: A Certain Magical Index

The Short Version:
A completely luckless loser with the ability to cancel out supernatural phenomenon keeps getting worse and worse luck.  It all starts when he finds a nun named Index laying on the balcony of his dorm, and gets worse when he discovers that sorcerers are trying to kill her.
A Certain Magical Index is an animated action-comedy TV series from Japan.  It is based on a series of light novels by the same name.  The show itself takes place in a fantastical version of modern-day earth, where Japan, especially the fictitious Academy City where the show takes place, is the center for research into psychic powers, referred to as ESP.  Meanwhile, the Church of England is the center for research into magical arts, despite the real-life Bible outright forbidding sorcery and magic.  Just go along with it; they don't mean any offense.

Our hero is the extraordinarily unextraordinary Toma Kamijo, whose only special ability is the ability to cancel out other special abilities.  This makes him a complete failure at school, as mandatory testing for ESP powers always gives him a score of zero, no matter how many remedial classes they make him take, or how painfully obvious it is that his power is easily the strongest in the entire city.  His only other traits are his strong desire for justice - which usually results in him getting his butt kicked, and having an outstanding ability to bluff - even after having one of his arms gruesomely cut off.

The story starts out with Toma running like hell from a street gang, after trying to help a girl who was being harassed by one of the members.  He ends up getting saved by the girl he tried to help, who turns out to be an extremely powerful ESPer.  Mikoto Misaka, or Railgun, specializes in generating and manipulating electricity, specifically to fire projectiles at extremely high velocities, hence her nickname. Against all common sense, he picks a fight with her, and survives.

The next morning, he wakes up in his apartment to discover an unconscious nun hanging over the railing of his balcony, who's also hungry enough to try to bite Toma's arm off.  This nun is named Index, and is the titular Certain Magical Index this show is about.  It turns out that she's being relentlessly pursued by sorcerers who want her dead because of the 103,000 grimoires she has memorized, and she just happened to end up at Toma's place so she asks for his help.  He's extremely skeptical of the whole thing, and remains so until he returns home after classes to find her bleeding to death on the ground, with a self-proclaimed sorcerer taking the credit.

All of that is the first episode.  The story appears fairly simple, but in reality has its fair share of twists and turns.  The next five episodes alone have an extremely well-thought-out and executed plotline.  If you're already interested in watching the show, then consider this a Spoiler Alert until the text returns back to normal.
The sorcerers who attacked Index are actually on her side.  Basically, the knowledge of the 103,000 grimoires she has memorized greatly limits how long she can go without having her memory routinely wiped every year, which the sorcerers have no choice but to do.  Somewhere along the way Index started to see them as assassins trying to kill her, which is right in a sense, expect that they're really on the same side and hate doing what they have to do to her.  This doesn't at all sit right with Toma, so he resists them, at least until Index becomes seriously ill.  With that, he has no choice but to hand her over, but he isn't giving up yet.  After doing research on how the mind works, he discovers that even with her photographic memory and all those books memorized, there's no way Index's mind could ever become full, meaning that there's another reason Index fell ill, and another reason the sorcerers have to dump her memories.  Most likely, it's a spell meant to ensure that Index is always loyal to the Church, and that she won't fall into the wrong hands, and the sorcerers themselves weren't let in on this at all.  He attempts to use his ability to cancel it out, but all he succeeds in doing is activating a trap which causes Index to mindlessly attack him with spells, something the Church claims she should be unable to do.  Eventually he succeeds in nullifying the spell, but at great cost; a final attack spell sent by Index hits Toma square on the head, bypassing his ability causing severe brain damage.  Thanks to the highly sophisticated medical technology at Academy city, he was able to make a complete recovery...at least as far as everybody else is concerned.  Just between him and the doctor, every last one of his memories were destroyed, and there's no hope of ever recovering them.  Index is none the wiser, and demands that Toma continue to be her guardian after he heroically saved her life from the sorcerers, who she still doesn't know are on her side.  Toma is now stuck guarding her just so that he can hide the truth, and is now forced to bluff his way through the rest of his life just to hide what happened to him.
That is one long paragraph, and this is the END OF THE SPOILER ALERT.  That's also just the first six episodes of 24.  The plot itself continues to have intelligent twists and turns, and Toma's loss of memory [oops, forgot to mark this one] comes back to bite him big time when he has to meet his family and doesn't remember a thing about them.  Still, the process of Toma rediscovering everyone he knows while covering it up and solving his struggles not by simply using his fists, but by using his fists with intelligence, makes the show an absolute blast to watch.  Add to it plenty of comedic elements, and you have a recipe for an fun and surprisingly smart adventure.

By no means is A Certain Magical Index without its flaws, but those flaws are relatively minor.  They hold the show back from becoming one of my favorites, but it's still a very enjoyable experience with its unique take on an overused plot element.  I officially recommend this to anyone who can put up with bloody violence and foul language.  In terms of a family-friendliness rating, I give this a upper teens rating, younger with parental approval, and like most Anime, NOT FOR YOUNG CHILDREN.

A Certain Magical Index is licensed by FUNimation in the United States and can be found streaming on Hulu.  All episodes are available for free in Japanese with English subtitles, and as of writing this review the first four episodes are also available with an English-language dub.  Horribly-overpriced DVDs are also available, but if you're like me you'd rather put up with short commercial breaks every episode than spend $100 to get both parts of the series on DVD.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Maverick Rising - A Musical Review

One of my favorite video game series is the Mega Man X series.  Not only is its gameplay a good kind of challenging, but its background music is stuff of legends.  It's so amazing that people routinely remake it so that it's not limited by the Super NES game console's sound chip.  One website, OC Remix, went so far as to release a 5-disc mega album called Maverick Rising, with all tracks free to download and share.  When I found out about this, my sense of nostalgia overwhelmed me and compelled me to drop everything and check it out.

Before I begin the actual review I want to point something out.  I am not musically inclined.  I barely know any of the technical stuff that goes into music, so chances are if you do know what you're talking about, you'll have a good laugh at my expense.  Still, that doesn't mean I can't tell what is and isn't crap, and what is and isn't at all like the original tracks.  Also, I want to point out that I'm a complete metalhead, and have difficulties standing other types of music, especially techno, which is ironic considering how much of a nerd I am.



Okay, first track.  Oh heck yeah.  This is going to be awesome.  The Symphonic Metal soundtrack of the game is going to come out in full force and blow me away, just like it did here.  Oh yeah!  I'm Pumped!

Track 1-2 "Super Fighting Robot X":  Wait.  This isn't right.  Yeah, the tune's the same as the original, but the feeling is off.  I know why.  The first three X games, released on the Super NES, had a symphonic metal soundtrack with some techno overtones, but starting with X4 the games were released on the Sony Playstation and their soundtracks decided to go with a more techno and less heavy feel.  This track emulates the Playstation era's style, despite coming from X3, an SNES era game.  It's not bad, but isn't really my favorite.

Track 1-3 "21XX War Was Beginning": Now it is a Playstation era song, and they kept the feel intact.  But because of that alone, I'm not all that into it.  Still, it isn't bad, but it's not what I was hoping for, or hyped up for from the first track.

Track 1-4 "Stealth Lizard":  This is much better.  Still, it doesn't quite do the original justice, but it's a major step up from the previous two.

Track 1-5 "Insecta Robotica":  What.  What?  WHAT?!  I don't even know what this is, but I hate it immensely.  The original is from X6, which of all the games I think had the most underwhelming soundtrack.  And gameplay.  And everything else.  Hopefully it's just this one song that's bad.

Track 1-6 "Spin Gator": HOW COULD THEY?!  THEY RUINED WHEEL GATOR!  No.  I refuse to accept this.

Track 1-7 "STING": NO!  NO!  WRONG!  THAT ISN'T EVEN CLOSE!  Okay, calm down, calm down.  Maybe the second album has better music.  So I'll just skip ahead to that and play things by ear.

Track 2-2 "On the Highway": NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  This isn't happening!  There's no reason for me to go on!  What am I fighting FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRR!!?!?!?!?!?
(For comparison, here's the original.)

What a disappoint.  Almost every track in this album is crap for one or [usually] more of the following reasons:
  1. It completely destroys the original track.
  2. It chooses a new style which is ill-fitting to what it was originally made for.
  3. It just plain sounds like crap.
This all being said, there are a few masterpieces on the album that make it worth checking out.

Track 1-11 "Tuck 'n Roll": Right off the bat I can tell that this track is completely faithful to the original.  And yet, it strives beyond and surpasses the original in a very unique way: it adds lyrics.  That's right, there are vocals in this remix, and they fit perfectly, like the song was made for it.

Track 2-11 "Let There Be Light": A calm and peaceful non-metal track got remade into a relatively calm and peaceful metal track complete with screeching guitars and a faster tempo, and it works.  I don't know how the remixer did it, but this is outstanding, and a prime example of a true remix done right.

Track 3-08 "Bibamus, Moriendum Est": It takes the already heavy boss themes from X3, and makes them even more heavy, you know, as boss themes should be.  They should have a feeling of fighting for your life against all odds, with there being little hope unless you give them everything you have.

Track 3-09 "Crawfish Crackdown": While mostly faithful to the original, this remix chooses a different instrument choice which I think makes it work out far better.

Track 4-11 "X-Hunted": The original is great.  This is even better.  It keeps the feel, while expanding the track into being more than a simple melody that doesn't get old.  It makes more metal while keeping the techno overtones intact.  And it sounds awesome.

Track 5-02 "Into the Rebellion!!":  Finally a Playstation era remix that sounds amazing.  It includes voice clips from the Anime cutscenes they made for the game (exploiting the fact that they went from Cartridges to CDs, which meant a massive increase in storage space).  Usually tracks that do this end up sucking, but this one made it work.  Props to the remixer behind this.

Sturgeon's Law dictates that 90% of everything is crap.  Considering that I only found 6 of the 62 tracks to be of noteworthy quality, measuring up to or even surpassing the originals, I'd say it holds up very well.  Except for the fact that I was accentuating the negative heavily early on.  45 of those 62 (including the 6 I highlighted before) are of at least a listenable quality.  They may not be as good as I was hoping for, but they aren't bad by any means.

There are still other remixes of Mega Man X songs other than Maverick Rising, but there is no collection like it.  Still, I'll highlight a few of the ones I found below.

Mega Man X2 - X Hunter Stage Metal Version: Another take on the same original track as X-Hunted.  This version goes for more of a true Metal sound, and does a very good job of it.  I can never get tired of this track.

Spark Mandrill - Short Circuit: Faithful to the original? CHECK.  Amazing sounding?  CHECK.  Easily one of my favorites, along with just about every other metal track this guy has made.  Check them out here.  Also, included in the bonus content for his second album is another remix from Mega
 Man X, "Abandoned Highway," which properly does justice to the original track which 2-2 "On the Highway" is based on, to such an extent that it more than makes up for the damage "On the Highway" did to it.

Amazon Moon (Mega Man X6 Remix): Another track by the same author as "Spark Mandrill - Short Circuit."  It's nowhere near as amazing as his others, but it's included here because it does a much better job than 1-5 "Insecta Robotica."

So, these are only three (or four) remixes that I found independently of and far superior to Maverick Rising's selection.  I'm sure there are many more out there, but I need some help.  I simply couldn't find a remix that does justice to Vile's Factory from Mega Man X3.  This one by Mandilore comes close, but poor balancing of his instruments ruins the feel, and if I could just play with the levels I could make it that much better.  If you know of any other remix that you think I'd like, regardless of whether or not it's from the Mega Man X series, feel free to leave a comment.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Sword Art Online - Seriously?

Sword Art Online is an anime that started simulcasting on Crunchyroll during Summer 2012.  It's an anime about an MMORPG named Sword Art Online.  That's just my first problem with the show.

An MMORPG is the type of game where thousands of people join a single server and run around doing random quests to level up for bragging rights.  I can't stand this style of video game for numerous reasons.  South Park did an excellent job of mocking the entire concept already, so I'll just link that episode here.  Keep in mind that it's South Park, so it's not exactly family friendly.

What makes Sword Art Online [the in-universe game] unique is that it's the first Virtual Reality MMORPG to ever be created.  The main character, Kirito, was a Beta Tester for the game, so now that it's officially released he already knows everything.  Naturally this makes him a boring character, since he's going to be grinding through everything and not learning any new stuff on his journey.  To solve this problem, they give Kirito a friend who just picked up the game who he has to teach everything to.  Just when his friend has to go, they discover the first part of the central conflict of the show: nobody can log out of the game.

Just moments later, the lead developer of the game appears in a highly over-dramatic fashion and announces that this is a feature, not a bug.  You see, he has a god complex, and created the game to become its god.  Also, if anyone dies in the game, the VR device is rigged to fry their brains.  The same thing happens if anyone in the real world tampers with the VR device.  In fact, 213 people have already died because of this. and here are the news articles to prove it.  The only way out is for the players to beat the game, and considering that this is an MMORPG, that's going to take years.  Mwuhahahaha!

Ignoring how the idea of dieing in virtual reality killing you in real life has already been done to death, tell me I'm not the only one who sees the problem with this maniac's plan.  213 people have been killed, meaning that at the very least the lead developer is facing 213 counts of gross negligence manslaughter, with that number rising by the minute.  WHERE THE #%$# IS THE POLICE!?

Okay, let's be fair here; this isn't exactly the kind of problem the police would be trained to deal with.  This is probably a nation-wide disaster, so perhaps the government has a federal law enforcement agency, you know, the NPA.  If it's too much for them to handle, they also have a counter-terrorism unit called the Special Assault Team.  Okay, maybe the disaster goes beyond even their abilities, so it's time to call in the military, or in the case of Japan, the Self Defense Forces and their Special Forces Group.  But perhaps even the Japanese can't handle it on their own.  Fortunately for them, America has a large number of military bases in Japan, including Kadena Air Base where multiple United States Air Force Combat Control Teams are stationed.  And in less than 24 hours, Delta Force, Navy Seals, Army Rangers, Marine Force Recon, Green Berets, and many more special operations units can arrive to assist the Japanese government in bringing the evil video game developers to justice.  Realistically speaking, the 9787 people still trapped in the game are going to be rescued within a few days, and the lead developer will soon be found guilty of 213 counts of premeditated murder, with 9787 first-hand witnesses to his confession, not counting any other members of the dev team who may agree to testify against him.

The second episode takes place one month later, and everyone is still trapped.  Screw this show.


 
In all seriousness, I don't think Sword Art Online is a bad show.  It's still enjoyable to watch if you ignore how stupid this aspect of it is, and I'm going to continue to watch new episodes as they come out.  I'm not a real fan of the show, but it's better than most TV shows out there.  Of course this is just a preliminary judgment based on the first two episodes, so my mind could still change.

Friday, May 25, 2012

FanimeCon Summer 2012 - Day 1 Log

My plans for this weekend, May 25-28, is to attend an anime convention in San Jose called FanimeCon, or Fanime for short.  What's to do at an anime convention?  Well, hang out with fellow nerds, admire the cosplayers - people who dress up as characters, meet professionals in the industry, and many more cool things.  It's hard to explain what exactly it's like, but it's usually a lot of fun, especially once things start going in full swing.  Previously, I attended SacAnime, and I had a lot of fun there, so I can't help but imagine how good the much larger and better-known Fanime will be.

This is the log for Friday, May 25, the first day of the con.  It is by no means a complete log, but it should give you a decent idea of what I did there.  It also contains quite a few comments of the major events.  What it doesn't mention is all the cosplayers I ran into, and there's a good reason for that; I ran into a lot of them.  A LOT.  I have to sort out a ton of my photos still, and I plan on doing that on Monday, the day I've decided not to attend.

6:00 AM - Left home for Tracy ACE Station.  I got completely lost, and right when I was about to pull over and call home for help...
6:22 AM - Arrived at the Tracy ACE Station AHEAD OF SCHEDULE.  Figure that one out.
7:10 AM - Boarded the ACE Train.  During the ride, I met a group of people who were also attending the con.  When I learned this, I showed them my SKET armband (from the anime SKET Dance), and they were impressed.
I found this to be surprising, because I kind of half-heartedly threw it together using a normal black wrist sweatband and sticker paper.  It looks like total crap in my opinion.

8:45 AM - Arrived at San Jose Diridon Station.  Helped the group find the light rail boarding area.
8:50 AM - Boarded Light Rail 902 North.  I barely was able to buy my ticket and get in the train, and the group ended up missing it.  Oh well.
8:55 AM - Arrived at the Convention Center station.
9:00 AM - Entered the absolutely gynormous preregistration line.  I met a Veitnamese guy named Vincent.  He introduced me to a game series called Ys that I'm going to check out.  Also, I bumped into Reinier, the Vice President of the CSU Stanislaus Anime Club.  He told me he still hadn't gotten his badge, then pointed to the press line with all  of two people in it.  Because he does a show on the campus radio station, not only does he get to enter the ludicrously short line, but he also has the entry fee waived.  Thankfully, he's not the person to brag about this, and is as shocked as I am that he's able to get away with it.  Also, did I mention that he got let into E3 last year because of that radio show?  That's his greatest personal achievement.
11:30 AM - FINALLY obtained my badge, and all it took was two and a half hours of waiting.  Still, it's a really nice badge, printed on hard plastic, and it even has my name on it:
I will cherish it always.  Meanwhile Vincent got the lousy regular badge because he only did Early Registration.
12:00 PM - Walked to Meeting Room A3 and watched Hayate the Combat Butler: The Movie.  It kind of failed.  Scratch that; it really failed.  It was entirely unnecessary, adding almost nothing to the plot, and not much happeded.  In my opinion it's one of the weakest regular episodes of the show, but poorly stretched out to fill a 1-hour timeslot instead of the usual 30 minutes.  Vincent walked out on it, and I didn't see him for the rest of the day.
1:00 PM - Decided to walk to McDonalds.  Ordered two McChickens and a small fry.  Also, I posted a message to Facebook saying how I was not too impressed so far.  On the walk, I took a look, and sure enough, the preregistration line was still just as long.
1:30 PM - Arrived back at the convention center.  The preregistration line was STILL just as long.
2:00 PM - Checked out the Gaming Room.  I was not impressed.  They had quite a few arcade machines, but at a dollar a pop, they weren't worth it.  Also, almost all of the regular consoles were doing fighter games, which in my opinion is a big fail.  Still, they had a few that were doing bullet-hell shoot-em-ups, and a Dreamcast with The Typing of the Dead:
It's a lot like the light gun games, only you type instead of shoot, and it is amazingly well done.  If you want to learn to type in a way that's actually fun, play that game.
2:30 PM - Now that the lines to the Dealer's Room were cleared, I decided to take a walk through there.  To my great surprise, there was only one vendor selling Pocky.  I call shenanigans; even the much smaller SacAnime had three dealers selling Pocky, yet Fanime with the three-times-as-large Dealer's Room has only one.  Speaking of SacAnime, they had a promotional booth setup in the dealers room, and to be honest they were really selling it well.
3:00 PM - Walked through Artist's Alley.  I was simultaneously impressed and not impressed.  Yeah, the artists there are really good, easily at the professional level, but hand-drawn art really doesn't do much for me.
3:20 PM - Went roaming and taking pictures of the cosplayers.  Checked out the preregistration line, and sure enough it was STILL just as long.
4:00 PM - Sat down in Meeting Room A2 and watched my favorite comedy series, SKET Dance.  Also, people noticed the SKET armband I was wearing and complemented me on it.
4:45 PM - After two episodes I noticed the time had come for me to begin preparations for leaving.  I decided to check out the preregistration line.  IT FINALLY GOT SHORTER.  It still stretched outside the building, though, so it wasn't much shorter.
5:10 PM - Boarded Light Rail 902 South.  Helped a lost person figure out what station to get off at; the one after mine.
5:15 PM - Arrived at San Jose Diridon Station.  I had to ask around to find out what track the ACE Train was on.
5:20 PM - Boarded the ACE Train.  Began typing this timeline.
7:10 PM - Arrived at the Tracy ACE Station.  Left for home.
7:40 PM - Arrived at home.

To be honest I wasn't too impressed.  Yeah, it's bigger than SacAnime - the previous anime convention I attended, but there's not as much to do.  I ran into a lot of good cosplayers, but that alone didn't make it all worth it.  Other than that, I didn't do much of anything I couldn't do at home.  Still, I ran into a familiar face from SacAnime:
Make that two familiar faces.
On Monday I'll go through all the pictures I've taken and show off the complete photo album.  Seriously, the best part of these cons is always the cosplayers.  Some of them can take an overused character, such as Mario, and be incredibly creative with it:
Not Pictured: Something that will ever appear in any official Mario video game.
That's all for now.  Oh yeah, if you attended and you're wondering why the ambulance was called earlier that day, I think it's because I may have upset this guy by saying he looked like a bartender:
"I awoke several hours later in a daze." -- Peter Griffin.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Guilty Crown - Guilty of Shark Jumping

As of late I've been watching a lot of anime, if only to kill the time.  I'm not much of an obsessive fan or anything; it's just something to do when I'm bored.  Occasionally, I come across an amazing show that addicts me, only for it to turn to total crap and piss me off with the massive drop in quality.  Once such anime is Guilty Crown.

Guilty Crown takes place in the near future in a mildly post-apocalyptic Japan.  A virus killed about half of the people in Japan or so, a bunch of mercenaries took total control over the country, and the world's most popular singing idol is a VERY open member of the resistance and somehow the enemy can't figure it out.  Oh yeah, and the main character can pull weapons out of peoples chests - starting with the previously-mentioned idol, naturally.  Oh, and his hand goes directly into the void between her breasts, naturally.

Okay, the show sounds stupid.  And to be honest, it kind of is.  But at the same time, it's fun and enjoyable.  This is the kind of show that's good on its own, yet desperately needs a parody.  If you're interested in watching it, I suggest watching through episode 15, then pretending like the show was canceled, because episode 16 is the beginning of a downward spiral that makes several attempts to reverse course, only for them to ultimately backfire and drag it all the way into the bowels of hell.

------SPOILER WARNING BEYOND THIS POINT!-----

Episode 15 ends with a massive amount of promise.  The show is at an incredibly awesome point.  In a previous engagement, the resistance struck a major blow to the enemy, but at great cost.  The resistance was scattered, and its leader, Gai Tsutsugami, died in the attempt.  To make matters worse, a good chunk of Tokyo gets sealed off "to contain the virus."  Now, Shu Ouma, the main character, two other members of the resistance, and a large number of high-school students, are trapped all on their own with little in the way of supplies and weaponry, and have to escape through a massive wall surrounded by hundreds of giant mecha drones.  Shu, because of his ability, becomes the leader, only for one of his best friends to sacrifice herself to save Shu when they get attacked by enemy helicopters.  His friend's death completely traumatizes Shu, as is realistic, causing him to lash out at his other friends and become extremely ruthless as a leader.

This setup is perfect.  The potential for where this show is going is amazing.  Words cannot express just how good the buildup is.  If you don't want the show to ruin itself starting with the next episode, pretend that some idiotic executive at the company decided to cancel the show for no particular reason.

Without any further ado, here's how the show jumps the shark.  Gai comes back from the dead.  NO!  NO!  NO!  Gai is dead.  VERY dead.  As in, THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY HE IS STILL ALIVE.  Allow me to explain just how dead he becomes:
1) He's infected by the virus and is shown to be dying from it.
2) He gets slashed through his chest by a GIGANTIC MECHA-DESTROYING SWORD.
3) The virus goes completely cancerous (makes sense in-story) and covers over half of his body.
4) He GETS STABBED THROUGH THE HEART by previously-mentioned sword.
5) Finally, he gets disintegrated.
Yeah, he's dead.   And there is no way he could come back.

Oh, and it gets worse: Gai is now working for the enemy.  FOR NO ADEQUATELY EXPLAINED REASON. And even worse: Gai is also completely cured from the virus.  The virus THAT WAS IN ITS CANCEROUS STAGE THAT EVEN MAGIC CAN'T CURE.

Still, Gai isn't the only problem with the second half of the show; its system of magic begins to completely contradicts itself.  In the end of episode 17, Gai shows up and cuts Shu's arm off, which somehow causes Gai to steal Shu's powers.  This makes absolutely no sense and there's no explanation for this at all.  In episode 20 it's revealed that the source of Shu's powers is a complete rewrite of his genetic code, leading to a very important question:  HOW THE #%#$ DOES GETTING AN ARM CUT OFF UNDO A REWRITE OF SOMEBODY'S GENETIC CODE!?!?!?

And then there's the final episode of the show, episode 22.  STAY THE #%#$ AWAY!  It is the most unbelievably, mindblowingly stupid ending I've ever seen in my life.  All attempts at comprehending it resulted extreme pain in my forehead and several large gaps appearing in my bedroom wall.  It even makes Mass Effect 3's ending look intelligent. Congratulations, Guilty Crown.  Not only did you jump the shark; you also landed directly in its mouth.  I hope you're proud of yourself.

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All text (unless otherwise attributed) is copyright (C) 2011-2014 Joel "iLag" Hammond and licensed under the CC BY-SA 3.0 License.
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